Riding The Horse In The Direction That It’s Going

Having children has deepened my awareness of my strengths, my insecurities, my weaknesses, and my intuition. I yearn to evolve alongside my children and husband as they adventurously move through an ever changing world. The thing that I never realized growing up is that there’s probably not going to be a point when you feel like your purpose/journey in life is set. When I was a little girl, I thought that there would come a time when I would arrive at my adult destination and be automatically satisfied. (That notion has taken its place on my shelf alongside my first ballet slippers). What captures my focus now is creating space in my life to explore and discover where my body and energies want to take me naturally and on training my thoughts/mind to WANT EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE in the present moment (even in times of discomfort or pain).

Events conspired that really helped me to understand the value of this approach. Years ago I had been hired by the Cher: Dress to Kill tour as a specialty dancer. I was performing aerial, contortion, rhythmic ribbon, and dancing. I was chosen by choreographer Doriana Sanchez and Cher herself (I was told). After about a month and a half of “creation” rehearsals in Los Angeles, we left to rehearse on the stage that would eventually be the site of our opening (in Phoenix, Arizona on March 22, 2014). After appearing in 13 cities, we had our first break where each dancer flew back home to rest. During the 10 day respite, I was let go because they had replaced the choreographer and the new one no longer wanted a female specialty act for the remainder of the tour. I remember that, at first, my ego was bruised but very quickly I chose to accept this decision (not within my control) and decided to embrace the letting go of what was conventionally thought to be a dancer’s dreamy plum assignment. Had I chosen to dwell on the fact that I no longer had the financial independence I was enjoying and the associated fairy dust of being a Cher backup dancer, I wouldn’t have been able to make room for my new intentions and creative aspirations. My life seemed to instantly take off in a direction that felt more personal to me. I started to thrive in a happier/healthier environment and venture down a path that has been uniquely my own. I got engaged to be married and also booked a job working with choreographer Ryan Heffington (I was longing to work with him and had adored his work for some time). It was for FKA Twigs’ Google Glass video - which led to my being asked by Luc Besson to choreograph and double Rihanna in his film Valerian. Unbeknownst to me, FKA Twigs had recommended me. So it turned out in the end that getting fired from the Cher tour was a great gift. Don’t underestimate the cosmic light guiding you at every moment. Play well the precise cards that the universe deals to you. Alright - I’m now out of clichés.

There she is - that’s me, Emilie. Those are the ballet slippers.

Not to disparage her entirely, the seeds of many of my still most cherished aspirations were born in her honest, pure, and magical heart.